Scared to Death...

I felt like I am not my usual self these past few days. The reason behind all this is the fact that my heart's most kept secret has been revealed to the man I love the most. I move around in the most uncertain pace I could ever imagine. It felt like I am going through an oblivion... a place of nowhere. He said it was okay. We're still friends and he's not offended despite the obvious fact that I love him. He remained calm and cool but I am scared and rattled with what happened.

There were numbers of time when I wanted to tell him everything... everything that I feel to have closure. Because I couldn't bear it anymore. And then, it happened. He finally knew about my secret and I'm hurt as hell. I know the time of losing him is drawing near. I know he'll stay away from me because even if he told me that it's okay, I know something has change. Something is not definitely the same between us. Something is not right anymore.

I still love him. I still feel the same, strong emotion every time I hear his name. I can still feel the fast beating of my heart whenever his near. I can still feel the pain knowing that I'll never have him. 

Let Go --- Hold On

She saw him again. She saw him and everything around her felt like crumbling. Why does it have to be now? Why does it have to be as surprising as that? She was not informed. She was not briefed. She was not told that he would be there on the same place where she was hanging out at that moment. If somebody had told her that they would crossed path, she could've avoided that since it was not inevitable.

She's trying. She's trying to forget him. She's trying really hard to live a life that's far from him. She's trying not to get in touch with him - to the point of restraining herself from sending a text message to him. She's trying and every effort she did was carried out into thin air. She's back to square one and she can't do anything about it.

Yes, she still loves him. And yes, she hasn't gotten over him yet. And yes, she's still hurting right now.

 

Hashtag: JustADream

I've been thinking about you

Thinking about me

Thinking about us

Dreams do come true. Or so she thought. She was one of the honor students when she graduated from college. Two days after graduation, she received a job offer and was requested to work immediately on the following day. She's working on her dream work place at this very moment and she's starting to fall in love with her stressful yet challenging job. Everything around her seems to go according to how she wanted all of it to be. Or maybe not.

She's in love. In love with the same man that she fell in love with during her high school days. In love with the same man that she often saw in church when she was still young. In love with the same man that her cousins and best friend had been talking about - stories of how great he is in class, how good he is in drawing and how kind and calm he is. In love with the same man that was introduced to her on her first year in college. In love with the same man she sat beside with that one fateful night when she was invited on a celebration at his house. In love with the same man... in love and not wanting to get out of the feeling.

It has been and always will be one of her dreams to be with that young man for the rest of her life. From the day she saw him until the day they became friends until now, all she ever wanted was to become part of his life... his world... his heart. 

The times that she spent with him were just brief and countable. She's just contented despite of all those brief moments. As long as she can see him smile, laugh, talk, move... as long as she can see him. But these past few days, everything around her seemed like a blur. She hadn't seen him for days... she hasn't heard anything from him; anything at all - anything to talk away all her anxieties of not knowing his whereabouts those days that had gone by. She missed him so much... so much that it seems like she's dying everyday.

Yesterday, she waited for him to pass by. But then, her efforts were futile and so the same happened the day after. How come she was deprived of him? How come she can't get to see the only man she had devoted her heart to? How come she feels like she's being tortured by the yearning that she feels inside her? How come he didn't seem to mind that he hasn't heard anything from her, too? Does that mean that she's not as important as she thinks she is to him? 

She felt awful. She feels like she's being stabbed a thousand times and was left alive to feel the surging pain. But she couldn't let go. She couldn't let go because the feeling of the love that she feels for him was one of the things that gives her the reason to stay happy. He is her happiness. He is her dream. And she can't just let it slip away. After all, she believes that he is her happily ever after.

(c)Tumblr

Dear Heartthrob...

Dear Heartthrob,

            Hello! I don’t know why in the world I am writing a letter to you again. I guess it was because of the fact that I still haven’t gotten over what happened yesterday (March 31, 2013). Any girl in love would never really get over with that! I know because I am a girl in love.

           

            You came! You really came! Did you know that you just made me the happiest girl alive when I saw you dismount from the motorcycle that you were riding yesterday? Did you know that my heart almost escaped from my body when I saw you looking at me as a smile appeared on your lips? Did you know that you completed my day more so, my life? Did you know that you just made me fall for you even more?

            When I invited you to come for my thanksgiving celebration, I never expected that you would come. Honestly, I just invited you with the hopes that somehow you would consider being with me for a brief moment. I was hoping against all hopes but I was not expecting. I could still remember my words when my best friend asked me if you would come: “He did not confirm anything.” So there, I just waited for your SMS to arrive – like I usually do when it comes to you. I just waited without any expectations. I might get hurt, you know – had I expected that you would come. You even said that you will just send me a message if you would come.

            And the day of the celebration arrived. When I received your SMS that you’re on your way, man! Did my heart jumped! *laugh* I felt like I was floating in the air after reading that message of yours. My hands started getting cold, my pulse accelerated and everything in me felt heightened. A few minutes after receiving your text message, you came much to my surprise and I must say shock. It was better that I did not expect anything from you because when you came, everything felt euphoric.

           

            Despite the erratic beating of my heart, I summoned the courage to welcome you and your friend. You introduced me to him, it was really nice. I never thought that one day you would introduce me to one of your friends. It was just a dream before. And yesterday, the dream became a reality.

            My parents, cousins and yep, my neighbors were really surprised when you came. I couldn’t blame them, you know. That was the first time that a guy came for me. And that was the first time they saw my reaction towards a guy. Actually, up until this very moment, I can still see these crazy, teasing smiles on their faces. Questions as to who you are and what you are to me were flying like bullets towards me. They have this assumption that you, my Heartthrob, is my boyfriend.

            After all that has happened, I want to say “thank you” to you. Thank you for coming despite the fact that my house is situated far from yours. Thank you for travelling just to come and see me. Thank you for taking time of celebrating with me and with my family and friends. Thank you for being a good sport despite of that embarrassing moment that we were being teased by my cousins. Thank you for that time that you bonded with my cousins. They really appreciated it. Thank you for introducing me with you friend. Thank you for making that dream a reality. And thank you for giving me one of the most special gifts for that day – your presence. Thank you for making me so happy and so euphoric. Thank you for smiling at me. Thank you for talking to me. Thank you for looking at me with those beautiful eyes of yours. Thank you for making me fall for you even more. I never regretted a single day feeling this way for you.

            I love you, you know that, do you? There will never be another you in my life. Because there’s only you, my Heartthrob. Only you.

Love,

Little Girl

Please...

Dear Moon,

I miss you so much, do you know that? 'Guess you don't. I know you don't. You have no idea at all how much I miss you. You have no idea how great is this longing that I feel, not seeing you for two months. I've counted those days, hoping that somehow, I will get a glimpse of you but to no avail.

My graduation ceremony will be this coming March 25, 2013. I just want you to know. When you graduated last year, I was really excited, happy even. Especially, when I knew that you graduated as cum laude. I'm just wondering right now if you feel the same way as I felt during your graduation last year. Are you excited for me, too?

I want you to give me a gift... a graduation gift. Please? I want to see you before graduation or the day after graduation. I want to be with you; to talk to you. I want to see you again. Is that too much to ask, Moon? 

P.S.

I love you so much.

Love,

Mortal

 

Beautiful Words (Song Lyrics)

This is a Korean song, actually. But luckily, I've found its English translated lyrics. This is one of my favorite songs because it has a sweet, warm feel in its melody and lyrics.

Beautiful Words

Jeon Geun Hwa (M Signal)

Like the fragrance of the warm spring that flutters my heart

Love also comes to my sleep just like that, doesn't it?

Like the sweet chocolate, I melt when I see you

Since the first time, I've loved you

Chorus:

The most beautiful words in the world

Are the words that I want to say to you

Close your eyes and listen, I will confess to you, I love you

The happiest words in the world

Are the words that I want to hear from you

Close your eyes and tell me that you love me

What kind of clothes should I wear?

What kind of words should I say?

Your face cross my mind and my heart beats

What hairstyle would look good?

What expression would look cool?

Before I meet you, I practice a hundred times

Chorus: 

The most beautiful words in the world

Are the words that I want to say to you

 Close your eyes and listen, I will confess to you, I love you

The happiest words in the world

Are the words that I want to hear from you

Close your eyes and tell me that you love me

Bridge:

I see only you, I imagine only you, it feels like fate

Even in my dreams I only see you because I love you

Everyday I want to say the words

A thousand times everyday I want to tell you

Listen to what I have to say,

"I will love only you"

Lalala Lalala Lalala

 Lah Lah Lalala Lah Lah Lalala

Please accept my heart, I will love you forever

The most beautiful words in the world

Are the words that I want to say to you

Close your eyes and listen, I will confess to you, I love you

The happiest words in the world

Are the words that I want to hear from you

Close your eyes and tell me you love me

^_^

This song is one of the official soundtracks of the hit Korean drama "A Gentleman's Dignity". 

 

There's Only You... Only YOU. (A Love Letter)

Dear You,

This isn't new anymore, isn't it? Me - writing a letter - for you. But just like the other letters that I wrote, this letter will still be kept in my memory box. Simply because, I don't have the courage to tell you everything that I feel. I know you will stay away from me once you discover that I love you. I've been through hell and back but I can't seem to let go of how I really feel about you. So, this letter will tell you everything... everything that my lips cannot say... everything that my heart wants you to know.

I didn't know when did all these fuss of love started. When I heard your name, there was this unfathomable interest that sprouted in my heart. I asked my friends if they knew you... and luckily, they do! I asked things about you and got to know tiny bits of pieces of your life... and little by little... I fell in love with you.

Not desperate just hoping. It's  been years since you and I were introduced to each other and I still couldn't forget how everything seemed to look so bright at that very moment. It has been years and still nothing has change. I still love you and you still don't know. But come to think about it, what's the use of revealing my feelings when you don't seem to care for me at all? You will react but subtly, that's for sure. For the number of times that I've seen you, I've known you to be so calm and cool. I love you. I really, really, really do. And if given the chance, I want to be with you... to spend a day with you even just for awhile. For a long time now, I have been hoping for that day to come... have been wishing for it to come. But it seems fate is not on my side when it comes to you. It seems that I'll just have to endure the fact that we are living in the same world, breathing the same air and yet, I'm not even allowed to stand near you... fate doesn't even allow me to.

Not expecting but waiting. Yes. I have been waiting all my life for you to finally see me. I have been waiting for a long time for you to feel the same way as I am feeling for you. I am waiting that maybe someday, things will be possible for you to hold my heart. It's hard. Yes, it is. But what can I do? I'm cuffed and tied to you. And I have no plans of breaking out from these thick ropes that you've bound me.

Hating but loving. Yes, I hate you. I hate you for making me feel this way. I hate for not even seeing me as a girl you could love. I hate you for making me feel so alive yet killing me in the process. I hate you for being the reason of my tears and being the only relief for me to smile. I hate you for making me feel like a school girl all over again. I hate you because I love you. I hate you because I really do love you. I hate you... I hate you... I hate you and that's a paradox.

I love you but I am not expecting anything in return. Yes. It's true that I have been wishing in my deepest heart for you to love me...for you to feel the same way for me. But I am not asking for anything in return. I know that there's this other girl that you really adore. I accept that. Even if it feels like I am being killed a hundred times, I can manage that. I love you, you know that, don't you? I have been telling you that since the very beginning of this letter. I have been showing you that since time immemorial. And I won't get tired showing you that even in another lifetime. There is only you, my love. Only you. No one could ever replace you in my heart, do you understand? I love you. I love you. I love you. Just let me love you and I'll be fine.

 One Wish. Please, please do not leave. It's okay if you won't love me back. It's okay if your feelings will not reciprocate mine. Just stay. Please stay. Please stay as my friend. Even if I don't get to see you always, the thought that we're friends is enough for me to survive. Just please... stay.

I love you, you know that, right?


Forever yours,

Me <3

F4 Once More

Who could ever forget the four handsome Asian men who captured every females heart by storm? Certainly, not me.

Jerry, Vic, Ken and Vanness took our breath away when Meteor Garden was aired on Philippine television. The female population's mouth literally dropped when these four men were introduced as the F4 - the hottest boy band in Taiwan and Asia.

When Meteor Garden Season 1 was aired here in the Philippines, hindi kaagad ako na-engganyong manood. I thought it was just another typical love story. Nanibago rin ako noon because that was the first time ABS-CBN aired a Chinovela. It was something I'm not used to so I did not immediately jumped with excitement. But then, mabuti na lang pinilit ako ng best friend ko na manood. She forced me, as in totally forced me to watch Meteor Garden and I really did watch. The inevitable *grins* happened. I got addicted/hooked to Meteor Garden and to its actors and actresses especially, with the famous F4. No one can blame me, though.
Who could ever resist the dance moves and swag of Vaness? Who could ever disagree to Jerry's pleading eyes? Is there a lady in this world who won't melt with Ken's manly aura? And who could ever say 'no' to Vic's soulful voice and eyes?

I could still remember how their faces graced my bedroom walls through posters. I bought one of their CD's also and the notebooks that I used... oh! they're the cover of it. I even asked my mom to buy me a San Cai attire - the skirt, blouse and sling bag. :)

So, up to this present time, I will still be one of those people who will say: "F4 FOREVER"

<3

A Gentleman's Dignity

I am one of those people who got hit by the so-called Korean wave. I love listening to K-Pop. I love the cute and effin' handsome and beautiful Korean actors and actresses. But most of all, I love the Korean dramas.

Last December 2012, ABS-CBN (my favorite local channel) aired a Korean romantic-comedy drama - A Gentleman's Dignity was its title. It was starred by famous Korean actors and actresses like handsomely gorgeous Jang Dong Gun, beautiful Kim Ha Neul, Kim Min-Jong, Kim Soo-Ro and Lee Jong-hyuk. The story was about four gentlemen's (Dong Gun, Min-Jong, Soo-Ro and Jong-hyuk) journey in finding themselves and the love of their lives. They have different personalities - one is a playboy who found the girl that made him change his playboy ways, the second one is a lawyer whose wife died and who fell in love with a younger lady, the third one is a responsible man, a good brother and a loyal lover and the fourth one is a married playboy who could not seem to get away from his womanizing ways, making his wife angry and mad.

The story revolved around those four men and the love of their lives. When watching the movie, one would laugh, cry, would become amused and fascinated with how crazy each of them can get. You would also encounter a lot and I mean 'a lot' of kilig and romantic scenes that would tickle you to the bone. You will have butterflies in your stomach. You will cry your heart out over heart-warming scenes. And you will get addicted to both the cast and the story. One will surely love all of them just like how I fell in love with everything that shouts "A Gentleman's Dignity".

Here are some pictures that I have found in the internet. I really like all of them. Thanks to yahoo.com

 Jang Dong Gun (Dennis Kim/Kim Do Jin) and Kim Ha Neul (Irene Seo/Seo Yi Soo)

I also downloaded some of the cute songs from A Gentleman's Dignity. These are the titles

-Beautiful Words
-My Love
-Everyday
-I Love You
-Spring I Love You
-You Are Everywhere
-Bubble Love
-My Heartache
-More Than Me
-When I Look At You